The above picture is from exactly one year ago. I ran a 4 mile race in 36 minutes. Today I ran for 22 minutes and desperately wanted to quit halfway through.

I had to switch my inner dialog to tough love mode to get through it. It basically went like this: Suck it up bitch. You ran 26.2 miles with a person inside of you  You’re going to have to work a lot harder than this to top that. You are a BAMF, now start acting like one. It worked. I finished my workout strong.

C25K Week 6 Day 3

5 min warm-up

22 min run

5 min cool-down

3.0 miles in 32:42. Average running pace 9:22.

Talking myself into feeling like a badass prompted me to look at some stats. I ran 533 miles and 9 races while pregnant. My total mileage since May 2010 is 4,008 miles. I need to remember that when I’m feeling weak.

My weekend in pictures:

1) Went to the farmers market. Planted flowers. The front yard is finally starting to look a little less hideous.

2) Apple Quinoa Pancakes with pecans and maple syrup!!!! So filling but so good.

3) Took a walk across the Stone Arch Bridge in Minneapolis.

4) St Anthony Falls.

5) We discovered this on our walk. It is a replica of a Japanese bell mold. It’s called the friendship bell.

6) Someone was really enjoying the fresh air and his jaunty new hat.

7) N taking a break on Nicollet Island.

8) Off-roading with the jogging stroller.

9) The lock, dam and falls from the opposite side.

10) Grilled Beet Burgers on sprouted grain buns with sweet potato fries. Recipe to follow!

To recap: got my hands dirty in the garden, ate some delicious food, walked 3 miles with my family and enjoyed the sunshine between thunderstorms.

It’s cold and rainy today which reminded me that Katie had asked for some hearty soup recipes. This is one of my favorites. Rich butternut squash, pasta and spinach combine to make an almost stew like soup. Easy to make and very filling. The perfect warm dish on a cold day.

Winter Minestrone

Add the tomatoes, 6 cups of the chicken stock, the bay leaf, 1 tablespoon salt, and 1 1/2 teaspoons pepper to the pot. Bring to a boil, then lower the heat and simmer uncovered for 30 minutes, until the vegetables are tender.

Discard the bay leaf. Add the beans and cooked pasta and heat through. The soup should be quite thick but if it’s too thick, add more chicken stock. Just before serving, reheat the soup, add the spinach,and toss with 2 big spoons (like tossing a salad). Cook just until the leaves are wilted. Stir in the white wine and pesto. Depending on the saltiness of the chicken stock, add another teaspoon or two of salt to taste. Serve large shallow bowls of soup with a bruschetta on top.Sprinkle with Parmesan cheese, drizzle with olive oil, and serve hot.

Dear person who dumped 10 tons of lava rock in the front yard, I would like to punch you in the throat.

That is all.

1. Holy s**tballs! I guess I’ve been a good mommy.

2. First real picture with Little Mister. Still a little uncomfortable being photographed, but I’m down 22 lbs. already.

3. Dinner at the Tea House. I had the vegetable delight with brown rice and green tea. Followed by a lovely red velvet cupcake.

4. Grandma with LM.

5. Grandpa with LM.

Happy Mother’s Day!

This post is going to be 100% personal and not at all health/fitness related. Feel free to scroll on by. I’m about to drop some feels up in here.

I got a very sweet Mother’s Day card in the mail today from my former best friend. It was such a lovely gesture, but it just has me a little baffled. Let me break down our history for you.

L and I were best friends for almost 10 years. We saw each other 3-4 times a week and talked on the phone almost everyday. When she had brain surgery, I sat in the waiting room with her parents for hours. She counseled me through several broken hearts and a few bouts of depression. I stood next to her on her wedding day when she married the love of her life.

Then her dad died from cancer and her world stopped. She retreated. She stopped hanging out with her friends. She stopped returning calls. She became distant and unavailable. For a year and a half I called her almost daily. She never wanted to go out anymore. She barely wanted to talk. I felt abandoned. I realize now that that was probably a selfish reaction, but I desperately missed my friend.

I told her that I felt rejected. That I felt like she no longer wanted to be my friend. I left the ball in her court and I stopped calling. We had many mutual friends, they all stopped calling me at the same time. I went from having a core group of wonderful, supportive friends, to being completely alone. I heard through the rumor mill that I had done something to destroy the friendship, but no one would tell me what it was. They made it clear that she hated me and never wanted to see me again. To this day, I don’t know why she was so angry. I was too afraid to ask years later.

I spent a lot of time grieving the loss of this important relationship. Years in fact. I reached out a few times only to be ignored.

Shortly after I got engaged, I sent her a message on FB, I told her that I was getting married. I apologized for any hurt I had caused her and I told her that I had never stopped caring about her. Her response was vicious. I was devastated. I did not respond. I closed the door permanently on the relationship and moved on.

Fast forward to a year later. The week before my wedding she sent me another message. She apologized for the hurtful words in her previous message and wished me well. That message opened a dialog that has continued for the past 2.5 years.

We have shared our struggles and triumphs. She gave birth to a little boy 3 weeks before me. I supported her when her mom passed away a few weeks after that. She gave the biggest donation to LLS when I was fundraising for Chicago. We have so much in common. I often read her messages and then say out loud, “Why aren’t we friends?”

But we have not seen each other in person in 7 years. Neither one of us seems willing to suggest an in person meeting. I pushed for that in the beginning, but she was reluctant to comply. And then today I get this card in the mail. And it makes me happy and sad all at the same time. I want to meet for coffee. I want our boys to be friends, but moving forward would mean facing the ghosts of the past. Clearly neither of us wants to do that.

You’re probably wondering why I am making such a big deal out of this. The end of this friendship changed the course of my life. It made me very distrustful of other people. I have never opened myself up to a friend in the same way again. I always hold pieces of myself back. For that reason, none of my friendships have been as deep or enduring in the last 7 years. At times the loneliness has been overwhelming. I love my husband, my sometimes you just need to talk to a woman.

The more we reveal and share in our messages the more the spark of hope is kindled. The spark scares me. The hotter it burns, the more likely I will get burned.

I am an unofficial winner. Down 11.4lbs in 4 weeks!

Flashback Friday: September 2011

We took a trip to the Yucatan Peninsula for our anniversary. Nine wonderful relaxing (hot) days at a resort on the Caribbean.

We laid on the beach, swam in the ocean, ate good food, drank too many drinks.

Visited the ruins of Tulum and Chichen Itza. Long before the thought of kids ever entered the conversation. We traveled and just enjoyed being a couple. Since then, many things have changed, but we are hoping to steal some time away again this year for our anniversary.

Travel tip: Traveling to the Caribbean during the off season (i.e. hurricane season) means the resorts are only half full and the rates are much cheaper! Just be prepared to buy travel insurance just in case . We have been very lucky and never had a problem.

TC 1 Mile Recap

1. The race started at Cancer Survivors Park. Meaningful to me since today marks the one year anniversary of my dads non-hodgkins lymphoma diagnosis.

2. I run the road, the road doesn’t run me. Except today it kind of did. I’m not gonna lie, this is the shortest distance I’ve ever raced and maybe the most difficult. You know that terrible, sluggish feeling you get at the beginning of a long run? In a race this short, you just get warmed up and it’s over. Ick.

3. We ran on Nicollet Ave in downtown Minneapolis. This street is closed to general traffic (buses and taxis only) and runs through the heart of the city. The two older gentlemen in front of me were both wearing Masters World Championship Marathon jackets. So cool.

4. The race was run in several waves to avoid congestion. Do you see how blurry those runners are? That’s because they’re the 4 minute something per milers in the wave behind me. My brain just can’t comprehend how anyone can run that fast. At my best, my fastest mile was 7 something.

5. This is where I parked my car. You guys, the smell in this place… I can’t even.

1.0 miles in 10:11. Not blazing speed wise, but something to build on.

Flat Heather is ready for the Medtronic TC 1 mile tonight.

Quinoa Black Bean Lettuce Wraps!

All the noms!

The husband and I both had Monday and Tuesday off. So much time was spent working on the yard again and giving all our money to Home Depot.

We spent some time today wandering around a local nursery called Gertens. Their selection is amazing, but they are ridiculously overpriced.

My mom gave us day lilies, hostas, aster, chives and rhubarb from her garden to plant. We also bought cilantro and mint to start our herb garden.

The weather was perfect for being outside. Sunny and high 70’s. I didn’t have time to run today, but we took a twilight stroll around the neighborhood to put Little Mister to sleep. It didn’t work. He was far too interested in the trees and birds to fall asleep.

We strolled 2.03 miles in 45:39.

Little Mister and I met up with Melinda for a run today. It was a day of firsts: my first run outdoors since November. My first time running with a partner since October. The first time running with the jogging stroller. I’m not gonna lie, it wasn’t easy.

The stroller weighs 25lbs. The infant car seat weighs about 8lbs and the baby weighs 13lbs. So pushing 46lbs while carrying an extra 50 on my frame was a little more challenging than anticipated. I’ll get used to it, but its going to take a little practice.

Good company made the time pass quickly. We ran/walked 3.7 miles in 51:51 at Lake Nokomis.

I spent the rest of the day working on the yard. We planted 3 boxwood shrubs and one Juniper tree. We are making progress slowly but surely.