In October of 2009 I stepped on a scale for the first time in years. My heart broke when I saw the number that was staring back at me. 246 lbs. How was that even possible? How could I have ever been so unhappy, so out of control to wind up at a number like that.
I made a promise to myself that day. I would change the way I ate, the way I exercised. I vowed to never see that number again. And so the journey began.
Over the next year, I literally worked my ass off. I tracked every calorie and spent at least 6 days in the gym a week. As the pounds came off I found myself wanting more from life. I didn’t just want to merely exist anymore. I wanted to do. To explore. To grow. To work hard. To be challenged. I always thought I would be “happier” if I were thinner, but I didn’t expect the entire revolution that my personality went through.
Running/racing changed my life. You could even say that it saved my life. It gave me a goal to always work for. Run more miles. Run harder, run faster. Work harder every day. If I hadn’t had the structure of multiple training plans I don’t know if I would have stayed on track. 10 months after I began, I had lost 90 lbs. I would spend the next 2 years pushing my body hard and maintaining my weight loss.
Part of the reason I wanted to lose weight was so that I could potentially get pregnant and minimize any complications. But secretly I was terrified that I would gain too much weight. The idea of being out of control of my body for almost a year was terrifying.
You all know what happened. I did gain too much weight. I freaked out. I cried. I held a nine month long pity party for myself. But you know what? I didn’t die. I’m still here. I’m still fighting and it feels damn good.
Today I ran the farthest that I have in at least 6 months. 4.42 miles in 48:00 minutes. I walked for the first 5 minutes and the last 5, but other than that, it was all running. And you know what? It felt good. Really freaking good. It sucked and it hurt and I was slow, but it felt good. I finally found the sweet spot. You know that spot in your run where suddenly something shifts and you feel like you could just keep going forever. I found that right around mile 2. I missed that feeling.
So I here I am 15 weeks after giving birth. I am down almost 30 lbs and today I ran almost 4 miles. I’ll take that. Today was a good day.
If you don’t take anything away from this that’s okay, but please remember this: You are capable of more than you can imagine. Never stop believing.
Lap 1 12:11
Lap 2 11:15
Lap 3 9:27
Lap 4 9:25
Lap 5 13:35
Tl;dr I got fat, then I got skinny, got fat again, lost some weight again, ran some miles. And it was good.